Zenith Tank (Email Conversation)

October 20, 2017

This is a light hearted conversation between me and the Zenith tank owner.

Forgot to say on the phone – could you ask your brother to send some photos so I can see the tank? (Zenith 680)

When I got your last email I told Tony I’d be down in the next couple of weeks – and that was two weeks ago! – so let me know asap. I don’t want to mess him around – he’s been such a good guy about lending it to me.

Also forgot to ask – is your ankle still knackered?

Get rid of the cursed tank before something else happens. Might be locusts next. Or blood out of the faucets

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Jon I will get pics to you asap. cheers terry

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At last the tank is complete and resplendent with all the parts fitted including me making the oil pump leather seal . I also made stainless steel old fashioned AF nuts for the tank rubbers as they were not available off the shelf. I have fitted the rubbers and all the fittings have been tightened up with all the correct seals. the new tank is heavier than the master that was supplied by terry as I had doubled up on the thickness of a baked bean can. The total cost is £1880. I havnt finished the stand yet as one of the oval tubes has gone walkabout in the busy workshop. Kind regards terry

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That’s great news Terry. I’ll come up and collect it. How does Friday the 8th of September sound?

If you get a chance could you snap some photos with your phone?

I’d like you to make a toolbox for it too if you’re up for it. I have a simple wooden buck which shows where it attaches to the frame and some decent photos which show the design.

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Jon my son will get pics to you from his Nikon camera tmorow as I do not use a mobile phone or a camera . is it possible for us to put your tank on our blog as it is the most difficult tank ive made to date. Friday the 8th is good. cheers terry

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Hello Terry,

Yeah stick it on the blog. It’ll be famous – women will hurl their undies at it as I ride by and there’ll be a lot of high pitched screaming: that’ll be me cos the brakes don’t work.

See you on the 8th.

Cheers,

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Hello Terry,

The tank looks beautiful. You’ve done a terrific job with it. I can only imagine what a ball ache it was doing that oil reservoir and those shaped curves on the front are lovely.

The only thing that worries me is the colour. I know when you photograph things with flash it can be misleading but it looks a bit…..well….pink. I’m as keen as the next man to get in touch with my feminine side but when I get it out into daylight is it going to be a similar colour to the Stafford bike?

Cheers, Jon

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The colour was taken from the codes you gave me and my son is using a flash when we have bright sun streaming through the skylight. cheers terry

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The paint shade darkens considerably with age. We also do brake lining upgrades. cheers terry

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Haha! Well mate forget the women I’m going to be mobbed by squealing gay men every time I kick it over. It looks like it’s the colour of Barbie’s clutch purse.

If that’s Victoria Plum someone at two pack can’t mix paint.

Does your brother want another go at it? I expect he’s probably sick of the sight of the bloody thing by now – he’s done it twice already I know.

Sorry to be a pain in the arse Terry.

Jon

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Sorry for delay. I kept the codes that you gave me and a set of codes went to dan the man my brother the painter. good job I kept the codes because when I looked at them last saturday on the pantone colour scale the colour was more than a thousand shades away from the code that was required. Dan has no arguments as he has admitted having the codes. im just wondering now whether he and his paint supplier are trying to get you into the Pink My Little Pony brigade. Not being a painter I wouldn’t know what the colour is or whether it was right or wrong. But your steely eyes spotted it was a rather unmasculine shade of gay pink. He is pissed off at having to do it again as his supplier has impossibly miss matched the colour with the code. I think at the end of the day there is no argument. cheers terry

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Hello Terry,

That’s great about the tank. I was imagining being mocked at classic bike rallies. “Here comes My Little Zenith!” “Where’s Ken? Did he fall off the back?”

I won’t come up on Friday then. When’s a date convenient for you?

Don’t suppose there’s any chance of me looking at the shade Dan chooses before he paints it is there? Maybe also he could use Tony’s tank that you worked from for reference – it still has some original paint on it I think.

Cheers,

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Jon im glad to say its nearly finished at last. All It needs to finish it off is a complete rework of the old bashed rusty metal. My brother got so annoyed with the paint colour mix up that he loaned the tank to the Royston rugby football club who had a sunday fixture on the heath as they were a ball short of a full sack. Boy, did it take a kicking and hours of filling in those dents. Mind you I would be lying if I said that he didn’t use copious amounts of corrugated cardboard to bulk out the filler. The oil and petrol capacity was reduced by 85 percent, bringing the holding capacity down to a lean pint and returning a respectable total of 4 miles of good solid head down full throttle motoring. The tank came back to me in perfect condition but I had to hire an electric forklift to get it back into the workshop for final detailing such as the hand finished gold pinstriping !! . I have a special extra long handled tar brush that gives the perfect finish as I like to load the paint on heavily to give it more of a 3D effect. I think my brother wanted to go down the authentic route regarding the paint finish so he,s gone for the walrus bristle brush and boiling hot enamel, I must say he,s done a grand job of it, its so thick. And to think he was a master grouter before he took on painting .I must make you aware that it is an extra 16 inches bigger on all dimensions due to the filler and all the paint layers and all of the layers of waterslide transfers but this problem can no doubt be sorted out from your end by purchasing a 1927 brough superior pendine as your tank fits it a treat and the bike is only £372,000 and going up in price every hour, so snap up a bargain and make massive savings. It could also be used for a small aircraft fuselage, all you need to do is fit the wings and your ready to go. Kind regards Vermouth, I mean terry

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Terry I ran all this by the marque expert at the VMCC and he seems to think it checks out. He says when you’re painting the tank make sure to put an airbrushed blonde woman with her tits out down the side and the words “Too Fast To Live, Too Young To Die”. I’m going to need you to make a green fun fur saddle too. And a monkey metal and meccano rear stand that sheers off catastrophically.

Apparently they originally had a knobbly on the back, gorilla bars with tassels on the end, ten foot forks, a disc brake and a pair of white plastic stabilisers. I’ve still got some work to do.

He said he’d heard of your brother and that he was “to Isopon what Michelangelo was to Carrera marble.”

I bought the Brough like you said. Had to sell my house. I’m typing this to you from under the railway bridge in Exeter town centre. I can just about get the broadband from Maccy D’s from here.

Cheers,

Jon

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Jon I cant stop cross referencing your reply to my well healed statement and im so sorry for the hardships that I have put you through but you’ve surprised me at how fast a home can be shifted in todays stale housing market to get that brough. I cant stop laughing at your replies. But in all seriousness I went to Ar Davis in baldock where my brother gets his paint from and they mixed up the code that you gave me and it was exactly the same as you saw on the pics of your tank but the colour was miles out on the colour cards. What he has done is to pick out the colour on Tonys tank and apply it while I was there in his spray shop. So now I can confirm it is Victorias plums in Beckhams 2 pack. should be ready for pics this Thursday. cheers terry

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Hello Terry,

I’m still under the bridge. I’d forgotten how chilly these autumn nights are. The thought of the petrol tank ought to be keeping me warm, but the frostbite doesn’t lie. Well……fingers are overrated.

How’s it looking? Did you do the Cath Kidston polka dots like we said? When I shall I come and pick it up?

Cheers,

Jon

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all is done and inspected by me and im frenziedly happy , if not , overwhelmed. Ive got to send a doctored picture of the colour of the finished tank. My son will have to do it for me as he is a wizard at photo shop and colour changing. By the way I have pushed the boat out by celebrating the occasion by marrying a midget that I met at a local dwarf throwing contest. so I am not going to be free for you to collect at 3.14 am on sunday morning as arranged as I will be in the throws of fitting the long awaited fisher price kitchen with a full set of plastic pots and pans. sorry to here about the finger problem, if you havnt lost them down to the palm I cant be sympathetic for living it up while your suffering. very kind regards to you

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it is ready on monday midday with all the parts fitted but I will send pics to you for your perusal and I will post the real colours on my website,. only kidding. terry

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That sounds like a beautiful way to begin a relationship – you locked your hands round her ankles and just before you hurled her into the distance your eyes met and for a moment love blossomed.

If I were feeling more cynical I would say that describes most of my relationships – but ever since I’ve been living under the bridge I’ve seen more of the kinder more generous aspects of human nature. Someone bought me some Sainsbury’s sandwiches earlier. They weren’t the shitty ordinary ones either: they were Taste The Difference – locally sourced Ham hocks with Cherry glazed Manchego.

I don’t know why homeless people make such a fuss – it’s quite a laugh really. I start selling the Big Issue on Monday. Can I interest you in a copy sir? No? **** *** then you ******* dwarf ******* *******. I hope your **** falls off.

See you a week tomorrow?

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That looks superb. Really great.

Pictures can hide a lot but there is nothing hidden in the finished
article. it is a perfect paint finish but boy the black finish really
shows up any fingerprints. I have an old trick up my sleeves that my
great grand father passed on to me while he was in the double glazing
trade in its embryonic years when they used loads of cellotape and
plastic sheets. If you put layers of cellotape over the whole tank it
keeps those nasty finger prints at bay so you wont mind everyone running
there greasy fingers over it when you take it to shows and years later
when it peels off and leaves its encrusted finish all you have to do is
give it a good scrub down with cellulose thinners, make sure you use a
nylon rag, youll be surprised how the finished article will look. This
process also works well on plastic toilet cisterns and will leave the
same finish. Jon if you have got our past banter saved, it would be
great to attach it to the blog pictures. cheers terry